I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
