doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
