If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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