You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
