look no pants
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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