evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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