So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
