Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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