Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
