That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
