Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
