never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
