no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
