Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
