Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
