we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
