Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
