You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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