I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
