I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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