Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
These tits shall not be calmed
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
