Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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