Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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