I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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