do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
