Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
