We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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