One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
