fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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