You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
