I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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