Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
