He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
