Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
