You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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