thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
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