pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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