she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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