don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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