is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize