FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
