A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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