I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
