Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
