the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
