TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Randomize
