I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
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Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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