No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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