the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
