a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
