After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
