Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
