im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize