Farmville is her only friend.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
