If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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