I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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