Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
