summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
