I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
