I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He uses pillows to masturbate.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
