You're completely useless in the revolution.
he shaved USA in his pubs
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
