Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
