Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
