i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
