I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
