that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
