I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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